Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
