She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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