I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dating After Heartbreak
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw