i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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