I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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