there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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