I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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