I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
