Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
