I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
