his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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