Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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