Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
