I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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