My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
