True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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