2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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