I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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