Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
