he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
