I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
