ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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