I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
