Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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