Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
