My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
