Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
