I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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