just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
