Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
