How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
