I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
