I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just tell him i said nine months
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
