just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
