the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
