I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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