it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
