Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
