Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh god it's open bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
