Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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