I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
