Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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