so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
These tits shall not be calmed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
