their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
