I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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