She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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