If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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