i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize