This is not my ceiling
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
