No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
