I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
