and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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