i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
