Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
