worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i think i just lost a toe
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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