I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
