I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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