My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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